Not The ‘Perfect’ Mother’s Day I Dreamed Of

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Yes, yesterday was Mother’s Day. It was supposed to be exactly the way I had imagined. It was going to be a Happy Mother’s Day for sure.

We attended Mass over the TV. Next I was expecting everyone to be smiling and happy to celebrate me – the mom.

Preparing for a joyful day

How I imagined the day to go –

Breakfast in bed – well, not that. I don’t eat breakfast and I get up way earlier than anyone else to have my prayer time.

Calls from adult children, flowers, hugs, homemade cards, love, joy, and celebration….these were the things I was looking forward to.

The day was going as I had imagined.

I did receive wonderful gifts, calls from my adult children wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day and I woke up to homemade cards and love notes on top of the coffee pot.

Fighting between the kids was minimal and my husband was busy cooking, cleaning and trying to make the day perfect.

I did have a wonderful lunch made for me by my daughters. They baked me a cake and prepared a beautiful chef salad with homemade blue cheese dressing.

The clouds of pity began to gather

But, in spite of all of these acts of love, the day was a real disappointment. It turned out to be a day I don’t want to ever live through again.

I was so focused on ‘how’ I expected the day to go, that I forgot to live in the moment and be grateful for the blessing and joy of being a mom. This was a great mistake.

For some reason, all I could focus on was how much I fail at being a mom each day.

In my mind I started to list all the reasons why this day was sort of ‘fake’ and not really for a mom like me.

Listening to that voice…

I started to recall how I respond the wrong way a lot of the time, I say the wrong thing in the wrong tone or I fail to respond at all.

All the Facebook posts and all the commercials that I saw yesterday consistently promoted the perfection of motherhood. I saw many posts thanking these seemingly holy, humble, and perfect moms. Not ones like me…

There are so many days I feel like I just don’t hit the mark when it comes to ‘mothering’ and I let that self-pity override the joy of what being a mother brings to me each day.

Because of the way the world is right now focusing on all that is ‘not good’ – I unconsciously followed suit. I chose to focus on the negative and literally cover my day in sadness and a feeling of being unworthy.

I, one by one, tallied up all the ways in which I did not deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day.

First of all, I looked at the one thing I truly struggle with the most. Satan knows I do and he never lets me forget it.

That thing is patience. I don’t have the patience of Job ( a Biblical person who is known for his suffering patience). In fact, for all the children I have had you would think I should have perfection in this area…I don’t.

I raise my voice way too much and gentleness does not come naturally at all. I have to remind myself to hug my kids or be reminded by them. This is probably due to my upbringing.

I am not what people would think is the typical ‘perfect’ mother – I fail so badly every day.

My house definitely looks lived in, by many people I might add, and I always have laundry piled on my couch waiting to be folded.

There are always dishes on the counters or in the sink. And even sometimes on the floor next to the couch – from the kids obviously…

There are drawers and closets that need to be gone through and cleaned out.

And when someone stops by unexpectedly and needs to use the toilet, I certainly can’t guarantee the toilet seat will be dry, or clean, or the toilet will be flushed.

This is how my day was going…thinking of all the ways I fail everyday to live up to what a mother should be.

This way of thinking totally put my mood in a place that was not enjoyable.

Time out definitely needed

I went to my room to just get away from everyone. Feeling hopeless, I began to pray.

Then, in my mind, I started to think about the day and the past week.

My eleven-year-old daughter had ended up in the ER with appendicitis. I had gone with her and remained there until she was discharged.

I had gone without food, sleep, or even a coffee for hours. And there, in the hospital, tending and comforting her, I felt content and happy – like a good mom should feel. I felt needed and very necessary.

Then today, the notes, the gifts, the meals, the calls, the hugs, and the kids telling me how much I mean to them…

My daughter who had her appendix out just then asked to come into my room. She said Happy Mother’s Day again and told me I was the best mom ever and perfect for her.

Then it hit me. My mood started to lift at the thought that ‘yes’ I am a mom who is wanted & needed.

This is why a being a mother is just so important.

Not because she is perfect or always does and says the right things. She is important because she does the things and stuff that needs to be done.

She loves these souls and keeps on showing up day after day – even if she has done the things very imperfectly before.

I began to pray and thank God that he reminded me of this. I am here as a mother not by my choosing. I am here as a mother because He chose it for me.

I have been specifically chosen to be the mother to these specific children – how powerful is that statement.

I am a mother, this is my vocation.

We are not called to be the ‘perfect’ mother…we as women are chosen and called to be a mom. One who shows up every day as we are, prepared to tackle what the day may hold, ready to grow, and become the mom He calls us to be.

I was also reminded that we absolutely need God, every step of the way. We need to look to him for the definition of who we are. We should never look to our own mind or listen to what Satan tells us.

God gave these children to me and this life I live, but he hasn’t left me alone. He is with me and you and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

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